Who Are You To Talk?!

Okay so I am extremely pissed right now so forgive me if I use fowl language or ramble in harsh sentences. Lately I have been cramped up in my hole of a room where I watch Netflix, eat junk food and stay up all night and then continue to sleep in all day. But tonight I felt that I should maybe interact with my family so I went outside in the backyard where they were having a camp fire. Now it should be known that its almost midnight and they are pretty drunk and they’re yelling and laughing and dancing around the fire. And they are playing their music so loud that I could probably hear it from across the town. Now my parents’ and their friends’ music ability is not the greatest and even worse when they’re wasted. So when I come out my mother starts to play a bongo drum thing and tries to but eventually fails to  keep in time with anything. So I just place my hand over the top of the drum and and just softly whisper “no”. But the story does not end there.

Sidenote: I pride myself in trying to accept everyone from all ages, ethnicities, and capabilities. But lets face the facts: there are just some people who have no rhythm and are not musically talented. And i know that many people will tell me that i’m a “total bitch” for saying that but i’m just being honest and there is no way in hell that i’m going to apologize for that aspect of my personality.

Anywho, my mother, after  putting down the drum, starts to go on a rant about how i preach one thing and completely do another. She says that i’m always ridiculing her for what she says… and I do because a lot of the things that my mom says are inappropriate and sometimes borderline racist, sexist, or otherwise insulting. Therefore, I need to make her aware of what she might be doing or saying. And so she goes on to say that I quote “you preach about equality but whenever I try to do something musically, you shut me down”. Now I know that I talk about accepting people for who they are and what they can do, and sometimes what they can do is not in the musical category. I never said anything about equality. Now I admit, what I said back to her probably wasn’t the best thing to say in my defence but I was angry and  sometimes when im annoyed word vomit happens. You know, like in that movie Mean Girls? I told her that she can express herself musically all she wants but that I just didn’t want to hear it. I regret saying that now but it doesn’t make me any less pissed about what she said.But then, the most annoying thing happens, her friend, Kendra jumps in and agrees with my mother and says that i look at her like a freak. It should be said that this woman is not in her right mind, on top of her heaps of mental disorders, she is connected with AISH (Assured Income for The Severely Handicapped) which should say enough about her personality. But not only that, for some reason, she never has any money because she spends it all on three useless things:

1. Drugs

2. Smokes and,

3. Her children, who are not themselves useless but take the money given to them by their mother and spend it on items one and two.

I’m not saying that this woman is a bad person but she has no right calling me out on looking at her like a freak when she is one. And I don’t know why she is even taking it as an insult, everyone is a freak in their own way. I’m a freak for Christ’s sake! okay now I’m just rambling about stupid things.After a few minutes I went back inside because I knew that they were drunk and there was no use of us arguing if she’s not going to remember it in the morning.

I know i’m not the best at withholding judgement and my ideas of acceptance could use a little work. But unlike my mother, atleast i have good intent. My mom just blurts out whatever come to mind without thinking about what she’s saying. I guess that’s what you call a person with no filter.

Moral of the story: I know that everyone is different and unique in their own way and i completely accept that, sometimes i just don’t have the energy to deal with my drunken mother trying to be musically talented. Let it be known that I love my mother in all her flaws no matter what and the previous page was only a rant to get my feelings out. I feel much better now and will continue to talk to my mom about what happened tomorrow.